These things really do happen to me Khaya Dlanga Khaya Dlanga.

Illustrations

Introducation -- The shining vaseline blue seal kid -- My birthday is always weird -- My father, the absent -- Cars in the village -- Snitching on my mom to get out of trouble -- The cows, the kraal and leadership -- When the village snows -- My mother and feminism -- That time my granddad caught my uncle in the middle of a sexcapade -- Sunday morning in my village -- The horse I had to chase for three hours -- How my principal dealt with a white boy who called me kaffir -- A list for my mother -- Third-world pelvic thrusts and arches -- Chris Hani and my mother -- My brief career as a pageant boy -- My tragic but hilarious Valentine's Day -- Vimba -- The pregnancy (not mine) -- I learnt vocabulary, drama and geography by watching WWF -- My brown school shoes and school suspension -- My first kiss - posterchild of gwababa -- My matric dance and gwababa 2.0 -- Hiding my dreadlocks from my mother -- What labola is and isn't -- My Madiba drawing -- The toddler who was left alone -- When I was Jesus-zoned -- If you want to be happy, don't resent the people who are -- 'You can't date him because he is black -- A pastor and the 'Thong Song' -- When I was 21 -- The war for Sam's cellphone number -- Why is the system designed to deprive me for being born in poverty -- A retrenchment and an unexpected job offer -- When I got hit on by a girl who couldn't hear -- The greatest pick-up line -- To be black often means to be doubted -- Lisa, ndifuna ukulala nawe -- A crush and a death -- You are already someone -- You have wi-fi on the highway in Africa? -- The sister I met once -- A heartbreakingly cold moment between a father and son -- Assuming the best -- My grandfather and his siter -- Empathy costs nothing -- When I fell asleep next to Thabo Mbeki -- My friend, the Facebook novice -- Talking about a race is not controversial -- When I introduced Paul Kagame as the president of Nigeria - to his face -- Sometimes an innocent thing may not come across as innocent -- Lunch with Xolisa and William Shatner (aka Denny Crane) -- Keeping my composure around Cassper -- I believe the children are the future -- My thoughts on relationships -- Lyrical thesis -- Men holding hands -- When my friend paid R50k to have lunch with me -- How to take a break from being worked to death at home -- A man offers a woman a job, then hits on her -- Act my personality, not my age -- When my tyre burst in a dark, dingy place -- Instant reply -- Bosso ke mang? -- Everybody knows Zodwa Wabantu -- Im defence of small talk -- An American being an American in America -- The challenges black professionals face in the workplace -- What I have learnt.

Adult